I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
