fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up under a house in Key West
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
