still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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