YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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