I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
