Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
