Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
