proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
