We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
