why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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