Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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