i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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