They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
