At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
