Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
