I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
