well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
