Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
