his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
