I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
