You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
