if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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