elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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