Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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