nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
