one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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