guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wear drunk well.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
