I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
