dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
