New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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