where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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