I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
