dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
