his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
