Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
