im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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