i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it hurts more in the daytime
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
