you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
