I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
