I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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