Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
