Moan for me like Helen Keller
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
