forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize