remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
