we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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