At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're too hungover to prance.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
