we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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