can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
