you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
