Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
