look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
