What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
