i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
