new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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