I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
