Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
