If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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