I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
