You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
