If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
