maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
