video games are the ultimate cock blocker
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize