i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
