Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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