Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
